Pray, cast your gaze upon the latest antics of the German automotive guild! Mr. Oliver Blume, the chief director of the esteemed House of Volkswagen, has conceived a plan of such magnificent ruthlessness that it would make a Victorian debt collector blush. According to the whispers of the Manager Magazin, this gentleman intends to cast upwards of one hundred thousand wretched souls out of their employ over the coming years. Indeed, he wishes to shutter four entire factories in the Fatherland as if he were closing a bankrupt haberdashery in a rainy alley of East End!

But wait, the comedy deepens! Mr. Blume, in a fit of sudden frugality, intends to slash his investments by some fifteen per centum. One can almost imagine him, clutching his gold sovereigns with white-knuckled grip, whispering to his Chief Financial Officer, Mr. Arno Antlitz, "My dear fellow, why spend a shilling when we can simply cease to exist in Hannover and Zwickau?"

These two gentlemen, these architects of austerity, aim to restructure their vast empire with the precision of a surgeon who has misplaced his anaesthetic. They intend to sever the Volkswagen brand and the parts factories from the group, carving them into separate entities, no doubt to confuse the creditors and delight the accountants. The factories in Emden and the Audi works in Neckarsulm are likewise marked for the scrapheap, to be shuttered once the final carriage rolls off the line.

And what of the Bourse? Oh, the whims of the speculators are truly a marvel! While the company's overall capitalization has plummeted by nearly twenty-five per centum since the year's dawn—falling to a mere thirty-nine billion euros—the shares dared to rise by a paltry half a per centum this Friday. The speculators, those nimble-fingered rogues, seem to believe that firing a hundred thousand workers is precisely the sort of 'efficiency' that justifies a few more pennies in their pockets. A truly splendid triumph of the ledger over the living soul!