Pray, gather 'round, dear readers, for I have encountered a tale of such exquisite greed that it would make a common street-hustler blush with modesty! Imagine, if you will, Mr. Donald Trump, a man who views the global marketplace not as a venue for commerce, but as his own private gambling den. This illustrious gentleman has seen fit to issue a proclamation that would send a shudder through every warehouse in Europe.

It appears that certain European countries—those bold, misguided souls—have dared to contemplate a 'digital tax' upon the American technological titans. Mr. Trump, upon hearing this, reacted with the temperament of a spoiled heir who has found a scratch upon his favourite carriage. He declares that any nation daring to levy such a tax shall be met with a duty of one hundred per centum upon all their imports!

«This DUTY,» he bellows with the fervour of a courtroom barrister, «nullifies every trade agreement ever scribbled upon parchment, be they signed, sealed, or merely dreamt of!» One can almost envision the poor European merchants, clutching their ledgers and trembling in their boots, wondering where their promised profit—their precious barish—has vanished.

The European Union, in their infinite wisdom, had previously whispered of such taxes. But Mr. Trump, ever the master of the grand gesture, has already cast a menacing eye upon France. He threatens a trade war of such magnitude that the poor French vintners may soon find their finest wines remaining in the cellar, for who would pay double the price for a bottle of Bordeaux when the American consul is acting as the world's most expensive debt collector?

Indeed, this is not the first time our American friend has played this game. In January, he threatened duties of two hundred per centum on champagne and wine, merely to nudge President Macron into joining a so-called 'Peace Council.' One must admire the logic: 'Give me your political allegiance, or I shall make your champagne as expensive as a royal coronation!'

It is a comedy of the highest order! We have on one side the European bureaucrats, clutching their taxes, and on the other, a grand American commercialist who treats the global economy as if it were a simple game of cards, where he holds all the aces and intends to take every last shilling from the table.