The Great Maritime Shakedown, or How Mr. Trump Sought to Tax the Very Salt of the Ocean

Pray, consider the audacity of a certain gentleman—Mr. Trump—who believes that the vast, churning waters of the Hormuz Strait are merely a long-forgotten ledger awaiting a fresh entry of profit! With the confidence of a street-swindler posing as a Duke, this American proprietor has proposed that every vessel venturing through said strait should pay a tribute of twenty per centum. He claims, with a straight face, that such a 'fee' is required to cover the costs of his guards. One can almost imagine him standing upon the shore, polishing his monocle and counting the shillings before the ships have even docked!

Naturally, the great merchants of the world have been thrown into a state of most comic agitation. The gentlemen of Hapag-Lloyd, a shipping concern of immense proportions, have declared this notion 'fundamentally wrong.' They argue, with a desperate sort of logic, that while one might pay a toll for a canal—much like paying a coachman for a ride through the mud—one cannot simply charge a fee for an international strait through which a fifth of the world's oil once flowed. It is as if a rogue attempted to charge a tax for the act of breathing the London fog!

Indeed, these shivering merchants have already begun to alter their routes, scurrying away from the strait like frightened mice when a cat enters the larder. The German Association of Shipowners, led by a Mr. Martin Kröger, has recoiled in horror, pronouncing the scheme legally void.

"Today it is the Hormuz Strait," cried Mr. Kröger with a flourish of his handkerchief, "tomorrow the Malacca Strait, and the day after, perhaps every puddle in the East! Where shall this madness end?" He maintains, quite rightly, that the honest commercial shipowner should not be a mere pawn in the geopolitical chess games of powerful gentlemen.

Alas, the tragedy of the situation is that the struggle for control over this waterway has turned the oil market into a veritable gambling den. As the blockade continues, the prices of fuel soar, leaving the common man to wonder if he shall soon have to sell his gold watch just to light a single candle. Truly, when the sharks of the Bourse and the captains of the seas collide, it is the poor fellow in the street who pays the price in farthing and pence.