Pray, cast your gaze upon the latest marvel of modern governance! It appears that Mr. Donald Trump, the President of these United States, has concluded a bargain with the distant land of Kazakhstan of such staggering proportions that it would make a common usurer faint from sheer envy. As reported by The New York Times, this venture is designed not merely for the glory of the Republic, but to ensure that the offspring of Mr. Trump and his esteemed Secretary of Commerce, Mr. Howard Lutnick, may live in a state of most opulent luxury.

At the heart of this comedy is a concern known as 'Kaz Resources,' an enterprise tasked with the excavation of tungsten from the vast Kazakh plains. In a display of generosity that can only be described as breathtaking, the administration has already blessed the company with preliminary federal funding to the tune of 1.6 billion dollars.

Now, mark the timing! No sooner had the public purse been opened than the sons of Mr. Trump and Mr. Lutnick—those industrious young gentlemen—stepped forward to acquire a twenty-per-cent share in the project. One must admire such promptness; it is the very essence of the merchant's spirit, though perhaps practiced here with a singular lack of modesty.

But soft, the plot thickens! It seems this is no isolated caprice. The aforementioned families are entangled in the financial webs of no fewer than fourteen companies, all of whom are dancing a merry jig with the federal government over mining interests. These firms have either basked in the warmth of direct financial aid or have their petitions currently resting upon the mahogany desk of Mr. Lutnick himself. A most convenient arrangement of interests, is it not?

To be sure, the state’s desperation provides the perfect curtain for this play. Since the year 2015, the United States has possessed not a single commercial tungsten mine, leaving the nation trembling before the dominance of the Chinese Empire in the production of armaments. Thus, while the generals fret over the lack of metal for their cannons, our gallant speculators ensure that the 'barish'—the profit—flows directly into the family coffers. Truly, it is a golden age for the professional scoundrel!