Pray, lend your ears to a most peculiar chronicle of the State’s latest struggle with the fuel merchants! Mr. Sazanov, a high-ranking functionary of the Ministry of Finance, has seen fit to announce that the State Duma has, with a speed bordering on the frantic, passed new amendments to the Tax Code. It is claimed that these decrees shall bring a semblance of order to the chaotic petrol market, as if a few ink-strokes upon a parchment could suddenly instill honesty in the hearts of greedy speculators!

Our esteemed official, as reported by the TASS agency, suggests that these proposals—hurriedly presented on the evening of the 23rd of June and swallowed by the deputies by the next day—shall miraculously stabilize the prices. 'The bill is aimed at calming the internal market,' he declares, speaking of both production and the importation of spirits from afar.

Now, let us examine the alchemy of this new law. Firstly, they have introduced a mechanism to tax the blending of straight-run petrol with various arcane components to create high-octane fuel. The State now deems this mixing act as 'production,' allowing these clever merchants to claim a deduction of the excise tax. Truly, a magnificent dance of numbers where the merchant and the tax-gatherer waltz together in a quest for the final shilling!

Secondly, the law adjusts the so-called 'damping mechanism' for those gentlemen who trade in foreign fuels. For petrol hailing from the EAEU states, a coefficient of 0.9 is established. As for petrol from other foreign shores, a special calculation shall be applied, based—heaven preserve us!—on the current state of the market in India. One can only imagine the bewildered look of a local merchant trying to reconcile his accounts with the whims of an Indian bazaar!

These regulations are to take effect immediately, reaching back as far as the 1st of June, as if the law could travel backwards in time to correct the mischief already wrought.

Earlier, the Vice-Premier, Mr. Novak, described the situation as 'difficult, yet controlled.' He spoke of tapping into reserves that had hitherto remained untouched, urging the great vertically integrated oil companies—those behemoths of industry—to increase their production to the utmost limit. One suspects that the only thing truly 'controlled' in this affair is the appetite of the shareholders for an ever-growing dividend!