A Most Costly Melody: The Exorbitant Whims of a Teutonic Troubadour

Pray, consider the curious state of our present society, where a gentleman’s voice is weighed not by its sweetness, but by the gold it may extract from a desperate host. We find ourselves contemplating the case of one Herr Dieter Bohlen, a relic of the eighties' musical extravaganzas, who has cast his gaze toward Moscow with a most singular appetite for coin.

It is whispered in the salons and reported by the gazettes that this maestro of the German school is prepared to grace a private assembly with his presence, provided he is compensated with the sum of five hundred thousand euros—a figure that would make even a banker blanch. For a solitary hour of entertainment, he requests a tribute approaching forty-five million rubles. One wonders if the music is truly so divine, or if the price is merely a reflection of the gentleman's own estimation of his legend.

But the gold is merely the beginning of this theatrical comedy. The arrangements, one might imagine, are conducted with the delicacy of a diplomatic treaty. The host is expected to provide passage via the finest carriage of the skies—business class, naturally—and a sanctuary in a hotel of the highest order. While his five companions may be content with standard chambers, Herr Bohlen demands a suite of such magnificence that it might rival a royal residence.

Most peculiar, however, is the manner of payment. The entourage insists upon the antiquity of cold, hard cash, to be delivered by hand in the distant cities of Hamburg or Mallorca. One can almost envision the scene: a breathless agent, clutching a heavy satchel of notes, hurrying through the streets to satisfy the whim of a temperamental artist.

As for his appetites, the gentleman appears surprisingly modest, requesting neither exotic delicacies nor rare vintages for his meals. Yet, in a touch of most charming contradiction, his manager has specifically implored the organizers to secure a supply of beer. Truly, a man of the people, provided the people pay him a fortune first!

It is recalled that Herr Bohlen recently expressed a longing to revive his former partnership with Mr. Thomas Anders, the duo known as Modern Talking, whose melodies once captivated the world in the year 1884—or rather, the modern equivalent of such a fever. Alas, the partnership dissolved years ago when Mr. Anders sought a solo career in the Americas, leaving the maestro to wander the world, singing his songs and, as it seems, collecting a most impressive toll for the privilege.