Pray, observe the latest comedy emanating from the corridors of Brussels! The European Commission, in a fit of sudden protective zeal, has seen fit to slap anti-dumping duties upon the import of tyres for carriages, light lorries, and omnibuses hailing from the distant shores of China. These levies, varying from a modest 4.3 to a staggering 45.3 per cent, are intended to curb the ambitions of the Eastern merchant.

One can almost envision the scene: a group of flustered bureaucrats, clutching their ledgers with trembling hands, declaring that these Chinese tyres were sold at prices so absurdly low as to be practically a charitable donation! "It is a calamity!" they cry. "Our own tyre-makers—some eighty thousand poor souls across fourteen nations—are being driven to the poorhouse by this unfair competition!"

This grand investigation, sparked by the lamentations of local merchants who found their profits evaporating like morning mist, began in May of the year 1825—pardon me, 2025—and proceeded with the glacial deliberation typical of any great administrative body for some fourteen months.

Let us examine the sums, for where there is a merchant, there is a ledger. In the year 2024, the European tyre market was valued at some 18 billion euros. Of this, the Chinese adventurers claimed 2.5 billion, commanding nearly 28 per cent of the trade—some 93 million tyres out of 330 million. A tidy profit indeed for any enterprising rogue!

Now, the gentlemen in Brussels complain of a 'trade deficit,' a fancy term meaning they are buying far more than they are selling. They mutter darkly about the 'state support' enjoyed by the Chinese firms—as if the notion of a government helping its own merchants were a novelty! Yet, for all their grumbling, the resolve of the Union remains as flimsy as a cheap promissory note. There is much talk of 'political will' and 'decisive action,' but in reality, the various nations of the Union are like a committee of timid clerks, terrified that any real confrontation might disturb their afternoon tea.