A Most Peculiar Paradox in the Far East, or The Tragedy of the Starving Lamp

Pray, lend your attention to a most diverting absurdity emanating from the Far Eastern reaches of our vast empire. Imagine, if you will, a certain gentleman of high standing, Mr. Kobyakov—a man of considerable influence and a most diligent secretary—who has recently discovered a joke of truly cosmic proportions. He posits that the current energy deficit in the Far Eastern Federal District is not merely a failure, but a veritable farce!

«The second great calamity of the district,» declares the gentleman with a flourish of his hand, «is a dearth of energy, most remarkably occurring whilst the land is positively suffocating under an abundance of hydro-resources and situated upon the very arteries of gas transit. It is, in a word, an absurdity!»

One can almost envision the scene: a bewildered merchant, a veritable rogue of the exchange, standing amidst a rushing torrent of water and a whistling gale of gas, yet unable to ignite a single candle for his ledger. What a splendid comedy of greed and negligence! The gentleman insists that this muddle must be cleared, suggesting that when the great pipes were laid across West Siberia to satisfy the appetites of Europe, the local populace was not left to freeze in the name of profit.

Indeed, it is a classic tale of the 'joint-stock' mentality—where the riches flow past the doorstep to ensure a handsome profit for some distant shareholder, while the local inhabitant is left to wonder where his spark has gone.

And as if this theatrical display of incompetence were not enough, the state has most graciously informed the shivering wretches of the North and the Far East that they may now apply for a modest portion of timber from the government. One can only assume that since the lamps will not light, the good citizens are encouraged to revert to the primitive joy of burning logs to keep their toes from turning the colour of a spoiled oyster.