The Domestic Wanderings of a Diva: On Jacuzzis, Art Deco, and the Art of Losing One's Abode

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a lady of the stage must possess a residence that reflects her aspirations, even if the path to acquiring such a dwelling is paved with the most exquisite absurdities. Consider the case of Madame Dolina, a lady whose domestic affairs have lately provided more entertainment than any opera house in the city.

Having recently emerged from a most distressing scandal, the Madame has ensconced herself in a new establishment within the 'Premier' complex of the Gagarin district. This residence, valued at some 250 million rubles, is a marvel of modern luxury. In a stroke of strategic brilliance—or perhaps a sudden fear of the law—the deed is held in the name of her daughter, Angelina. One must admire how the modern daмочка navigates the risks of the day; it is quite a fashionable maneuver to live in a palace that officially belongs to one's offspring.

The interior is a veritable temple to the Art Deco style, featuring wooden furnishings of a most imposing nature. The highlights, however, are the sauna and a jacuzzi—from which one may gaze upon the Moscow River while soaking in warm waters, perhaps contemplating the fleeting nature of real estate. The dwelling comprises two children's bedrooms (one of a most delicate pink hue), two dressing rooms, and a drawing room of some sixty square meters, ample enough for the most tedious of social visits.

When questioned upon the acquisition of this sanctuary, the Madame declared with a flourish that it was a gift from her friends. 'I did not buy it; my friends did,' she confessed at a festival, suggesting that this generosity was the very salve that healed her previous wounds. Her producer, Mr. Dvortsov, added that the gift actually consisted of two apartments merged into one—a convenient arrangement allowing the Madame to reside in one wing while her daughter and granddaughter occupy the other. One cannot help but envy such friends, who treat the purchase of luxury flats as one might treat the gifting of a box of конфекты.

But let us reflect upon the tragedy that preceded this triumph. The Madame had previously been the victim of a most cunning scheme in the Khamovniki district, wherein she was persuaded to sell her home and surrender the proceeds to scoundrels. The ensuing legal battle reached the highest courts, yet the law, in its cold impartiality, decreed that the property remain with a certain Miss Lurie.

Whispers now circulate in the salons that Miss Lurie seeks to sell the premises for 200 million rubles—a handsome profit indeed, considering the original price. It is said that such a house, once haunted by the ghosts of litigation and public scandal, ceases to be a home and becomes merely a source of stress. Madame Dolina, for her part, claims to have 'turned the page' and harbors no desire to reclaim her former haunt.

Before this latest sanctuary, the Madame experienced a brief period of nomadic luxury, renting a residence once owned by the American actor Mr. Steven Seagal for the princely sum of 700,000 rubles a month.

Beyond these city walls, the Madame’s portfolio is as varied as her repertoire. There is a secret manor in Slavino—a three-story edifice followed by a four-story cottage—which remained hidden from the tax collectors for twelve long years. A most daring game of hide-and-seek with the state! Furthermore, she holds properties in Jurmala, Latvia, where the Baltic breeze likely carries the scent of her expensive perfumes.

Lastly, we must mention the Madame's choice of carriage. She travels in a Toyota Alphard of immense proportions, adorned with official-looking plates that she believes render her invisible to the constabulary. Alas, the records tell a different story: fourteen infractions in six months! The Madame justifies this by stating that when she is late, the laws of the road must simply step aside for a lady of her stature. Such is the nature of our age: the мода is no longer merely in the hats one wears, but in the audacity with which one ignores the rules of society.