They sat. They pondered.

Or rather, they tweeted.

Mr. Kirill Dmitriev, a gentleman of significant means and the Special Representative of the President, has seen fit to address his petitions not to a ministry or a council, but to the Firmament. To the extraterrestrials.

Quite extraordinary.

He expressed his deepest gratitude to these omnipotent visitors for their supposed virtue in removing Mr. Starmer from the British Premiership. A miracle of cosmic bureaucracy!

But there is more.

Now, he begs the stars to cast their gaze upon Germany. He wishes for the resignation of Friedrich Merz.

Why? Because, as Mr. Dmitriev observes, the Chancellor’s decisions are a blight upon civilization itself. War. Immigration. Economic folly. A veritable cocktail of disaster.

"Dear aliens," he writes, with a wit that borders on the theatrical, "could you please do the same with Merz?"

Such a request.

Of course, the gentleman offers a mercy. A resolution. He suggests that Mr. Merz might avoid this celestial intervention if he were to repent and revise his erroneous policies.

Repentance. The last refuge of the desperate bureaucrat.

Previously, this same gentleman had already beseeched the stars regarding the British affairs. He even presented a screenshot from Mr. Donald Trump, celebrating the downfall of the British government.

One wonders if the aliens have read the circular.

Probably not.

They are likely far too busy observing our farce from a safe distance.