Comrades! Citizens! I invite you to cast your gaze upon the latest decrees concerning the distribution of pensions this coming September. We are told, with the utmost solemnity, that certain categories of the populace shall receive not one, but two pensions. One must ask: where is the justice in such disparity? While the vast proletariat continues to wither under the relentless yoke of labor, a select few are granted a double reprieve from the specter of penury.

According to the proclamations of Mistress Nina Gukasova, a functionary of the Presidential Academy, this peculiar privilege is reserved for the military caste, the agents of the state’s coercive apparatus—namely the Ministry of Defence, the Interior, and the FSB—as well as the daring aeronauts and cosmonauts. It is revealed that those who served the state’s sword, and subsequently labored in civilian capacities, may find their pockets lined twice over.

Observe the mechanism of this arrangement! These servants of the state receive their first stipend for years of service, often long before the common laborer is permitted to cease his toil. Yet, once they attain the official age of retirement and possess the requisite civilian credits, they may claim a second—an insurance pension for old age. Truly, a marvel of bureaucracy that favors the sentinel over the smith!

Furthermore, those wretched souls who have suffered permanent infirmity due to military trauma are granted a pension for their disability, with the possibility of a second payment upon reaching retirement age—often five years prior to the common man.

To secure this dual bounty in September, the fortunate few must present their petitions to the Social Fund in the earliest days of the month.

And while the state reminds us that the solitary pensioner may seek various subsidies and reliefs, let us not be deceived. Such crumbs are offered only upon request—a final indignity, forcing the exhausted worker to beg for the meager remnants of the wealth they themselves helped to create for the benefit of the ruling bourgeoisie!