Pray, observe the spectacle of our age! The Central Bank—that grand arbiter of coin—has recently proclaimed a most peculiar phenomenon: the populace has developed a sudden, almost romantic passion for cold, hard cash. In the month of July alone, the volume of currency in circulation swelled by some seven hundred billion rubles. Indeed, the appetite for specie is growing with a ferocity that would make a seasoned stockbroker tremble!

One cannot help but chuckle at the desperation of the local merchant. For you see, the tax-gatherers have become most insistently greedy, raising the levies of VAT with such vigor that the average tradesman now views a bank transfer as a direct invitation to bankruptcy. Consequently, these gentlemen of commerce—these clever little swindlers of the bazaar—have begun to insist upon payment in cash, as if they were conducting a clandestine transaction in a foggy alley of East London. 'Cash only, my dear fellow!' they cry, while eyeing the tax inspector with the suspicion of a fox eyeing a hound.

But the comedy does not end there. The bourgeois, finding the interest on their deposits to be as meager as a pauper's soup, have decided that the bank vault is no longer a safe haven for their precious shillings. They withdraw their fortunes in haste, fearing that their wealth might evaporate like morning mist.

And to add a final stroke of absurdity to this farce, the very wires of communication have failed! The internet, that invisible thread of modern finance, has vanished in various provinces. Imagine the horror of a gentleman who, wishing to purchase a waistcoat online, finds himself unable to click a button! Forced back into the primitive age of leather purses and heavy coins, the people have returned to the old ways.

It is a triumph of the tangible over the digital; a victory for the man who prefers his gold where he can feel its weight in his pocket, safely tucked away from the prying eyes of the State.